• New Parenting Book: Do I Get My Allowance Before or After I’m Grounded?

    Date: 08.30.11 | by Judge Tom.

    This guest post is written by Vanessa Van Petten, creator of RadicalParenting.com and author of the parenting book, “Do I Get My Allowance Before or After I’m Grounded?”  

    When I was 16 I thought it was my Dad’s goal in life to make me miserable. I was convinced that he had a running list of all the ways he could embarrass me in front of my friends, trick me into doing more chores or make my curfew earlier. 

    Our relationship would have continued to devolve until one day I saw my Dad reading a parenting book. I flipped through it while my Dad was in the bathroom and realized a lot of the things he did that drove me crazy he was getting right out of this book! I looked at the other parenting books on our shelves and realized that they were all written by adults. I wondered—has anyone ever asked teens to write to their parents?

    I decided to build a website where teens could answer questions and write to parents called RadicalParenting.com.  I couldn’t believe how quickly it grew and how happy both teens were to get their voices out and parents were to have a new outlet for connecting with their kids! We now have over 120 teen writers who give advice. 

    Teenagers, when given a neutral space LOVE talking to parents and often offer some of the best insight because they are going through it themselves. We have also been so excited to help parents who feel like they cannot reach their kids and teens. 

    I think teens and parents can work together to overcome their differences and learn to work best together. We have just come out with our book: Do I Get My Allowance Before or After I’m Grounded and it is a radical approach to parenting because it is written from the kid’s perspective! We would love for you to check it out—if you are brave enough to see what kids have to say! 

    What is this book about?

    So, you have to forget the old parenting book approach – this book gives parents a totally new way to reach their teenagers because it’s the only book that tweens and teens helped write – so we are hearing first-hand advice that actually works! It gets right to the heart of the problems and offers straightforward prescriptive - and effective advice. This is a very different approach to parenting that tackles these modern problems.

    What makes this book different?

    Before now there has only been resources written from one side of the family equation….the adults. This is the first book that gets both sides talking. What’s more, the book goes a step further by using techniques that human lie-dectectors use: What does a teenager’s face look like when they are lying? What questions do parents need to ask to get the truth?

    You are not a parent, what experience helps you write this book?
    Actually me not being a parent is what makes teenagers feel comfortable opening up to me about what they really need from their parents. It allows me to be a translator for what parents need, what teens need and then bringing the two together so they can be on the same side.

    You are not a doctor, what experience helps you write this book?

    There are already amazing resources out there from doctors and psychologists, we take a very different approach to parenting. We believe that for most families there are really simple miscommunications happening that we just need to decode. With this book, I teach parents what kids really mean when they say, “I don’t care” or “Can I have a later curfew.” This is advice from teens in the trenches of family life. 

    Here is what Publisher’s Weekly had to say: 

    “Like a crafty spy, Van Petten comfortably segues from parent to teen perspective, and while noting that each adolescent is unique, she skillfully opens doors to the collective teen psyche. “

    Vanessa Van Petten’s book “Do I Get My Allowance Before or After I’m Grounded?” is being released in September 2011 with Plume Books of Penguin USA.

    Judge Tom

    This post was written by Judge Tom. Judge Tom is the founder and moderator of AsktheJudge.info. He is a retired juvenile judge and spent 23 years on the bench. He has written several books for lawyers and judges as well as teens and parents including the recently published 'Teen Cyberbullying Investigated' (Free Spirit Publishing). When he's not answering teens' questions, Judge Tom can be found hiking, traveling and reading.

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    2 Comments subscribe to these comments.

    • Divorce Lawyers Tulsa
      Wed, 31 Aug 2011 at 07:27

      I think having teenagers write a website and a book about good parenting techniques is a great idea.

    • Tulsa Counseling
      Fri, 23 Sep 2011 at 07:08

      That sounds like a good book. I’m looking forward to reading it!

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